Have you ever witnessed behaviour in the street that made you uncomfortable? Or been at home and overheard something happening next door that doesn’t seem right? Perhaps you’re concerned that a friend is unusually withdrawn?
While most of us want to help, it can be hard to know what to do or say safely.
At WAGEC, we talk about being active bystanders and allies. These terms help define the different contexts, responsibilities, and expectations around supporting a person experiencing gender-based violence.
Being a bystander refers to seeing something happen in a public setting. Being an ally means supporting someone you know, like a friend or family member, over a period of time.
Find out how you can support someone as a bystander or ally:
Safety must be at the core of any decision-making that you take when supporting someone as a bystander or ally.
If your action may increase the risk to the person who is being abused or your own safety is compromised, then it's often better to reconsider what the options might be.
Being a bystander tends to refer to seeing something happen in a public setting. You may be a bystander when you are supporting someone when you see something and safely step in on the street or at an event. A bystander intervenes when it is safe to do so and generally relates to supporting someone after something has happened for a short period of time.
Knowing what to do as an ally or bystander means that we can help the people around us while taking care of our own safety. Here are some things to remember:
Being an ally means supporting someone you know, like a friend, family member or work colleague, over a period of time. An ally might check in on their friend to ask if they're ok. Being an ally usually means being more intimately involved in supporting the person, sometimes over a period of weeks, months or years.
An indication that someone is experiencing abuse is if you notice a pattern of behaviour that might resemble the cycle of violence.
The cycle of violence explains how and why the behaviour of a person who uses violence may change. The cycle moves from a build-up phase, stand over, acute explosion, remorse, pursuit, honeymoon and then back to buildup. As an ally, this might explain why you might notice red flags one week, but everything seems ok the week after.
